One of my favorite references by Dr. William Glasser about Choice Theory, is the concept of the pictures in our heads. In essence, the pictures in our heads are images that we hold of the various things, persons, and activities that meet our needs of Love and Belonging, Fun, Freedom, Power, and Survival. Each of us has a rolodex of these pictures in our minds that we associate with one or more of our needs. Your rolodex is unique to you, as mine is to me, although we may have some pictures that are similar to one another's.
I have thought often about this concept over the years, as I make the connection between Choice Theory and how it relates to various cultural differences that exist between persons. One which cultural entity I have considered in relation to this is sexual orientation, and gender identity. Let me tell you more of what I mean.
For me, being a lesbian is part of my cultural identity; it is part of how I describe who it is that I am in the world. When I think about my needs for love and belonging, and fun, and I imagine my partner, my partner is a woman, and that has been the way it has been for me for all of my adult life. That picture in my head has not always been of a woman with certain characteristics, but definitively female. That is what is need fulfilling for me in terms of my closest relationship. So, when I met my fiance, helped to fulfill that need for love and belonging by being consistent with the picture in my head.
I enjoy this way of thinking about the needs that we have, and the ways in which we meet those needs, because it helps me to help others understand that being gay is not a choice, at least not in my way of thinking. I equate it with a person's ethnicity, or racial category, in that we don't consciously choose to be African American or Bosnian in our race or ethnicity. I don't actively choose who I am most connected to in terms of my intimate relationships; I have a picture in my head that is most need fulfilling for me.
I appreciate this concept in terms of the differences that exist among us as human beings, and that it is important to recognize our own unique qualities, and the unique qualities of others. That we all bring beauty, and something of worth to the human table.
