The Choice to Connect.

I have been around for a few years now, so in my lifetime, I have met and been related to many different people.  Friends, family, partners, child, neighbors included.  I also remember making deep connections with some people, or being born into a connection with them as family, and then those connections seeming to just fade away.  I would blame it on time, space or distance, or one or both of us changing in some way.

I can gratefully say that I don’t look at my relationships with other people the same way anymore.  I have come to understand, and believe, that the choice to connect with others around me isn’t about them; it is all about ME.

When I don’t hear from somebody for awhile, or I haven’t visited a family member in a long time, there is always a part of me, much smaller these days, that thinks that THEY should be calling ME.  Why aren’t they keeping in contact with ME?  And, as enticing as it is to want to believe that it is up to the other person to change, Choice Theory doesn’t let us get away with that.

One of the great parts of Choice Theory, to me, is that I get to choose, in all circumstances, what I am doing and how I will respond to it.  My behavior is always purposeful, and always to meet some need.  My actions, as well as my inactions, all count as choices.

So, it is really difficult, in relation to Choice Theory, for me to blame anyone else if I feel that our connection has been lost in some way.  I get to keep choosing.  I get to make that telephone call, write a letter and mail it, or email someone right now to get connected.

I think many of us use many different reasons/excuses for not connecting, and believe that it is justified.  Whether we say we don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough energy, or we are too different from others to really connect in a meaningful way.  The truth is, any excuse that we use to not connect with someone else is our choice to not connect. 

The beauty of connection, for me, is finding all of the unique qualities that exist in each of us, and seeing the common ground as we get to know one another.  The balance of the difference, and sameness, is what I think creates beautiful relationships. 

After a long time of feeling disconnected from those that I care about, that live far away from me, I started writing handwritten letters each week, and sending them to different family members and friends.  It is incredible not only what it does for them in a positive way,  but also in how I get such benefit out of seeing the picture in my head come to life.

We always have a choice.  Connection, in any form, is always available to us.